Friday, December 3, 2010

Top Pick Up Lines of the Week!

This pick up line was at a bar in Ballard:
me: "hey, can I squeeze in here and grab a drink?"
guy: "well possibly, what is your name?"
me: looking confused replies "uhhh Lindsay"
guy: "no way your name is Lindsay, you are way too beautiful"

I am still trying to figure out if that was a compliment or if he was saying my name was ugly.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Making Choices

So today I am going to drift away from my funny dating stories, kind of try to hit a more serious topic. Things I think I have realized is leaving someone you like, someone you want things to work with is probably the hardest things ever. It is like in the back of you mind you question if you are making the right choice and debating whether things will get better or not.

I have made two hard choices in the last 2 years regarding relationships. One of the hardest was to leave my ex-husband. That was seriously the hardest choice ever. I mean, he was my best friend and for about 4 years he was the one I spent almost every moment with. Then I realized we weren't happy at all that we were trying to live a life to make each other happy and putting our happiness at jeopardy. We forgot how to love each other, and we forgot how to care about each other. Do I know if I made the right choice. Not 100%. Honestly I think we tried the most we THOUGHT we could. I think we both gave up at the end. I think for the first time, though, I started thinking about how things were comfortable with him and how he really knew me. Even though we were unhappy some of the time, we seemed to be more of a team. I know that I want to be a team with someone I decide to be with again.

Just recently I had to make another hard choice. I wouldn't say one of the hardest, but I had to make a choice to leave a relationship I was in, with someone I thought maybe could be someone I could actually try again with. I felt like one day I woke up and was putting myself right down the same path of being unhappy again, basically settling for a relationship where giving up and just having a repetitive relationship was inevitable, again. I felt like i was expecting to much of him and trying to change him. I felt I also wasn't getting enough from him in return. I don't want to change someone though, I don't want someone to feel obligated to call me, spend time with me, be around me, or anything along those lines. I want someone who just wakes up (most times haha) thinking about me. Someone who when they look at their phone thinks about calling me. I am not looking for a fairy tale either because I know that is just not even possible, but I just want someone to actually want me and try for me, just as hard as I am trying for them.

Honestly I want to see if it is possible for me to fall in love again. It seems to me when something goes wrong I give up and put up a wall and then honestly just know that things are done. I feel quite heartless lately, almost like I might care more about protecting myself than giving someone else a chance. I am getting older and learning more and more but I feel like opening as a friend is easier for me than opening up as a lover and a partner. I feel like I am just holding so much in.

I am going to quote myself in this post:

Relationships can be complicated, even friendships. Realizing what you need and what you don't need, learning to give and take at the right times, understanding each other, communicating with each other. I wish at times I knew the right choices to make and the right way to turn, and today I feel like I might be at another fork in the road....

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


OK so this one isn't really a dating story, and honestly I will probably have more about being hit on then actually dating. I may be horrible at dating and picking who I date but I think I have way better stories about me or my friends being hit on.

I just recently moved to Northern Washington. I know out of the city, what was i thinking?? Anyway, so I moved up north and there is this cute little bar. It is the typical small town bar where everyone goes there and knows everyone so when I went there everyone knew I was new or didn't belong.

So this day I go in and walk up to the bar. There were two empty seats so I look over to the guy off to the right and say, "are these seat taken?"

He does the drunk wobble back and forth a bit and says, "ya both of them are...wait no I mean the one next to me isn't but the other one you have to sit next to me."

I stared at him and moved the chair away from him a bit and sat down. I looked the bartender and order a beer and grabbed the menu.

The guy next to me leans over basically all over me and breaths on me, "what are you order? Are you hungry??"

"uhhhh yes I'm hungry, and I'm ordering a chicken sandwich." I say a bit disturbed.

He looks at the bartender and practically screams, "hey I'll get what she is getting. So two of whatever she ordered. With tarter sauce."

My eyes at this point are huge and basically asking for help from any of the surrounding guests. Then I hear, "so what's your name." Now you have to imagine this being slurred by a skinny, trucker looking , mid 20's, male.

"My name is Lindsay, what is your name?"

"My name is Briiiiiaaaaannn. So whatcha do?"

"I'm an apartment manager Brian."

Brian closes his eyes a bit and squints, "how do you feel about that? I mean you are here and you manage apartments?"

" I am not sure what you mean."

"You know....You manage apartments and well you are here...ya know?"

" I don't know." and finally the food shows up. THANK GOD.

As our food is placed in front of us Brian says, " hakuna matata. Do you know what that mean?"

"yes it means no worried. Honestly, Brian, I think most people know that.?"

At this point brian gets all worked up and yells, "no, no!! I bet this guy next to me doesn't. Wanna bet?"

"Sure Brian I will bet you a beer he does." I really didn't care I was just hoping the conversation would end.

"Hey you," he said leaning all over the guy to his right. "Do you know what hakuna matata means."

Third party, nice male says," uhh no I honestly have no idea. I think I once knew but I don't"

I took a deep breath, "well Brian I owe you a beer."

Brian puts his arm around me and says, "no you owe me a kiss."

I lean away from him and state, "actually Brian the deal was a beer, NOT a kiss."

He tries to pull me closer, "You know it's worthy of a kiss, and you know you want to kiss me, come on."

Again I said no, and stood up and moved to the seat next to mine, further from him.

He stands up a bit swaying like there was some sort of breeze in the bar, "Oh what you are going to deny this? You want to kiss me and I was right so you owe me."

This is where I continued to eat and ignore him and text my friends about the situation. Then out of the corner of my eyes I see Brians arm lean over and he starts eating my fries. YES EATING MY FREAKING FRIES. So I have to comment at this point, "sooooo are you going to start drinking my beer next without asking."

Obviously I didn't think that comment through because his next reaction was to smile and lean over and try to grab my beer.

I finally was able to fully ignore him and just talk to the bartender, and after a while I believe he got tired of trying to get my attention and he put on his coat and left.

Shortly after he left another gentleman at the bar came up and said to me, "So did you enjoy talking to Slasher?"

Automatically my eyes got huge and I looked at him and hesitantly asked, "why is his name slasher?" Where after I was told how "slasher" had a girlfriend that one day disappeared and no one has seen or hear from her since.

At this point I am contemplating two things. One why did I move to this city, and two should I change my name???


So, I don't know how many of you have met a guy that distinctly reminds you of the jersey shore show but I have!!! This guy hung out in a group of friends that I hung out with. Attached to this article is a basic picture of what he looked like. Add about 12 silver chains and a white bandanna.

When we first met it was at a Karaoke night. Nothing big just a, hi who are you, nice to meet you type greeting. He started telling my friends quickly that he was interested in me. He was in his mid 30's (which those of you who know me, know that isn't really out of my age range). Anyway I thought we could at least be friends so I gave him my number and occasionally he would text me and invite me over or out...which I NEVER accepted the offers. I was always "busy" as to I didn't want to lead him on.

A few times we would go out and somehow be wearing the same color shirt and he would say things like, "wow look at that, must be a sign, we a basically dressed a like." Which in a way I kind of took as a bit of an insult. Then the texting increased.

Not to say this is funny at all mainly kind of creepy. He ended up in the hospital for almost having a stroke. He texted me and said he instantly thought of me and him and if we were to have a family and how he felt like I could be someone to take care of him. That text resulted in no response. Then one day I received this texting back and forth:

Him : Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Me: ....

Him: mmmmmmm what's good girl?

me: uhhh I'm not lunch is pretty good.

Him: I want to see you, want to come over?

Then no response. An hour later:

Him: mmmmmmmmm

nothing back, 10 min later.

Him: mmmmmmmmmmm

really this could go on forever. Now before, in the middle and after all those texts I would receive a picture message from him of him with his wife beater on jeans and white bandanna and a message above either saying, "me getting ready to go to the store," "me at the store," or "me just getting ready".

Eventually he I think got the fact that I was no longer interested and sent me the following:

Him: so girl...I hear you might be dating other people. I thought we had something but (insert my friends name here) wants to go out and go on a date.

Me: Awesome she is great you should do it.

Him: ohhh ok...ya I guess I will give her a shot. I dig you though....

Me: ya I'm just not looking for anything. So you should pursue other options.

Him: ya ok...sooo I'm going to go on a date with her.

Me: cool good luck friend.

Him: ya tomorrow.

Me: great, I hope it goes well.

Him: ya....

So luckily that ended. I will say though now all of my friends will send me random messages of "mmmmmmmmm".

It's on guy....

This guy is actually, or should I say was a good friend of mine. We used to go hang out at karaoke bars, grab beers together, ect. Just recently I had invited him over for some beers and to help me pack for a big move. Apparently doing this gave him the wrong idea.

So he comes over and we pop open the beers and start packing a few bags and catching up on times, since it had been months since I had last seen him. I told him about my recent boyfriend and about my move. That only last a short time and he asked me to play my guitar. It had been a good few months since he heard me play and he wanted to hear some of my new songs.

We sat in the living room as I played and the whole time he was just singing along or watching me play. Eventually it got a bit weird and he said, "wow, it seriously turns me on when you play your guitar." So I kind of stopped and said, "uhhh thank you, but maybe I should stop."

He got a bit flustered and said, "well wait you invited me over here only to just do nothing? I mean I came over and brought beer."

I replied, "well we are friends, I have a boyfriend, you were suppose to help me back."

" well I thought it was on. Don't pretend like it's on if it isn't on. If it's on it's on and if it's not it's not. I could make you happier, and well I just thought it was on."

I just stood there looking at him a bit dumbfounded. So I said, "If you came here for sex you should just leave, because that isn't what is going to happen."

He started pacing through my kitchen saying things like, "what, I just, ugh, it's not on? fuck...i guess I'm leaving. But you shouldn't lead people on....Don't pretend it's on when it isn't on."

Again just just stood there while he put his coat on and walked out the front door.

Minutes later this is the texting that went on:

Him: Lindsey. Its cool. Don't lead anyone on to think its on. But whatever u say. say whatever u think its on.

Me: I didn't lead you on.

Him: If ur gonna find something. Tell them not me. I think ur outstanding. U just think ur shit. I don't.

Me: ok

Him: That's cool. U got it just don't change things when we are in the middle of everything.

Me: We weren't in the middle of anything (enter his name here).

Him: I know. Ur good.

Me: ok

Him: Whatever I guess picked the right time. Ur good.

Me: What? Maye we can just talk tomorrow.

Then followed by two phone calls I didn't answer. I will have to say this is now the new phrase used to me when anyone is around me:

"Is it on? Don't say it's on if it isn't on."

Ps. My friend dedicates this song to this man:

Flower Dude Cont.

It's been awhile since I updated but i figured I should give you an update on flower dude. So after my HORRIBLE DATE with him I ran into him again. There is this club in downtown Seattle called Frontier Room. This club is the club I call Douche Bag Central. It is the place where you can pick up the "real winners". This is the club I met Flower Dude at, and to kind of remind you he bought me flowers and came back to my friends place trying to hang out with me all night. Then I gave him a chance by going on a date with him even though I was told by all my friends not to. This guy made me pay for like 20% of dinner. I don't think i put that down there but basically this is how the scenario went:

me: "so do you want me to help you out, split it down the middle?"
him: looks at bill total is $85. He lays down $60 and says "you can cover the rest."

Anyway, so after the horrible date I get a facebook add from this guy. I never even gave him my last name....soooo I am curious home many pages of Lindsay's he went through to find me. Then the fact that he thought I would add him. ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!

So of course I ignore the add and went on with my life.

A month or so later my girlfriends talk me in to hitting up douche bag central again. We were at the bar ordering drinks and taking pictures; out of the corner of my eye I see Flower Dude and SHIT he sees me.

So I turn quickly acting like I didn't see him and whisper to my friend, "guess who is here....flower dude."

He was seriously a creeper in almost everyone of my pictures just staring at me trying to get my attention. Then he finally approached me, "hey can we talk about the other night?" I looked at him rolled my eyes, "there isn't much to talk about honestly, so no." This went on for about a good hour or two before we left.

After we left I was getting texts continually from him:

"please give me another chance, let's just talk it out. I made a mistake. I was drunk."

Basically I sent one text back, "John* there is nothing to talk about. Have a good night."

Then it went bad, "So you really are a bitch. I thought I would give you another chance but fuck that. You are worthless."

After showing all my friends the message and telling them about the night all I hear from my friends is "We told you not to go out with him, this is your own fault."

Luckily, I have not ran into flower dude since that night.

My advice....Don't date someone who buys you flowers at 2 am!

lots of updates to come!!

I just want to give a heads up I will be updating my blog quite a bit. A lot of these will be in 3rd person about other people or about me. I will never directly say because some of them could be about me that I am not sure I want to reveal it is me or not hahaha. You will be getting quite a few stories. I have one about meeting a guy with the nickname Slasher, dating friends, and some through my music career... it should be getting pretty interesting.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Worst Date! (flower dude)

So I just recently met a man who happened to be at the same place I was at for my friends birthday. His friends and mine ended up mingling together and hanging out and when the night ended from this bar we ended up heading back for a few more drinks at my friends house. It was so far a very good night. We stopped by the store to pick up some beer. I made a joking comment about how I wished someone would buy me flowers, and this guy (we will call him John) chimed in, "I'll buy you flowers!" So he proceeded to buy me a $20 bouquet of flowers from the local Safeway.

When we arrived back at my friends house, we were all chatting and having a few beers and this man, John, because incredibly clingy. He followed me on the deck trying to kiss me and hold my hand. At the time I was nice, just moving away from the situation. Then when his friend was ready to leave he persistently kept saying, "no I'm going to stay here with Lindsay." I reacted my by giving him my number and telling him how we could hang out another time.

I honestly was hoping that would be the last time I would hear from John. He was so intoxicated that I figured he had forgotten my name anyway.

Two weeks later I receive a text from John asking me on a date. I contemplated if a bit and then went ahead and said yes. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was just really drunk that night and couldn't give a fair impression of who he really was.

So that night was met up at Pesos in Queen Anne, which is a nice Mexican restaurant. First, while waiting for our table to be ready, we went over to my favorite Karaoke joint, Ozzies. We had a drink and while there John and I start chatting. I knew almost immediately that we could never date seriously, maybe friends, but never anything else. He told me stories of how his neighbor wanted to kill him and how he lived with his parents now. Red flag instantly went up, but I always am for giving the benefit of the doubt.

The dinner was alright. It was a lot of silent pauses, with weird awkward conversations. I decided to invite him out with my friends and me for drinks, just to see how he meshes with my friends. That is when the night went down hill.

From the beginning he was clinging on to me like he was afraid I would leave him alone. He hardly ever said a word and spent most of his night standing against the bar. My friends were very surprised that I was even out on a date with this man. When the night ended we all headed back to my friends house and ate some food, drank a few more beers, and then headed to bed. All the girls climbed into a bed while the men stayed out in sleeping bags. I received a text from John at 4 am stating, "I thought we were going to hang out all night". I simply laughed and ignored the text, only to get another text a few minutes later saying, "Ya i thought you were cool but obviously I was fucking wrong. Whatever u ignored me the whole night. Have fun with those tools."

My friends and I got a long laugh out of that because all night were were trying to include him in the group but he was so distant and socially awkward.

This date only confirms that I either attract older men or just crazy men....will this cycle ever end!?!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


UGH! So fickle it makes me sick. One minute he can't get enough of me and the next minute he feels like we shouldn't be around each other. I should have learned from the first few times, but I kept giving it the benefit of the doubt and now I'm just annoyed and pissed off. He sits there saying how he never led me on when weeks before he confessed how much he "thinks he loved me" and "how we are so magnetic together". Although, I didn't feel the same way, I still really liked him and wanted to see where things would go. Why do relationships and love and time have to move so fast? Why can't we just slow down and make sure it is right before we jump into these relationships that are bound to just fall apart?

Now I don't even want to talk to him. He tries to start conversation when we see each other, and honestly what the fuck is the point? Just walk away. I don't need you in my life. I don't need anyone in my life like you. I have never let myself depend on any man and you never will or were the first.

It's like the break up just keeps circling itself around me. You want in then you want out and for once i just want to be 100% done. Don't call, don't text, don't try and be my friend, I don't need or want to be yours. Honestly just move on, find the so called "one". I'm done, and if you can't tell by how I despise being around you, then you should probably open your fucking eyes because I have man of times told you that I don't want you around and have nothing to say.

Friday, June 25, 2010

The Ex

I sometimes wish I could go back and time and change the sequence of events that led to the separation of my ex. I feel like through the separation it was just an up and down roller coaster. I don't know if I know exactly what I would change. Maybe deep down I would change ever being with him, maybe I would have never gotten married. It would have made things easier and better. I try to think and make myself realize that I wouldn't be where I am today without going through all the trials I did, but at the same time, I almost think it would be worth forgetting and not experiencing those times.

I lost so many friends, family, and so many horrible untrue things were said about me. I feel like when I go home I am just being judged, in fact, home isn't home anymore. I hate going back there. I hate running into people who know me. I hate how fake people are to me there, and that they take sides instead of just appreciating who someone is.

I thought things with my ex would get better. That we could be friends again. We have been through so many hard times and I respect him and we grew from each other, or so I thought. In the end it is like he wants me around as his friend then he changes his mind and completely brings me down. He will almost make me feel like I am the most horrible person in the world.

The worst thing is at times, I feel like I have no one to turn to, even though I do, it's those people who have known me forever who are gone. I totally respect and love those who have been there for me my whole life and even the new friends that help me pick myself up when I fall but I just wish, sometimes, I could have those people in my life that have known me from day one.

Some days, like today, I just need a hug. A real genuine hug. Someone who loves me and cares about me for all that I am and all that I have gone through. I am tired of fighting and trying to prove who I am. I don't have anything to prove I am me and always have been me and granted I have made some horrible choices in my life, I have learned to pick myself up from those times and make myself better for me and for my son.

The worst is hearing from the person you were with for 3 years, married to, have a kid, had a house, had a life, and all they do is put you down and tell you things about you that aren't true. "you never loved me" " tell me if you left me for someone else" "we could never be friends" "You have never given a damn about me or our relationship". It's like this never ending hole I am trying to climb out of, and it makes me regret. Then things like "I wish you would hurt" or " you have no idea how you made me feel" "I wanted to kill myself because of you". It's like I am this continual disappointment. I often wonder when it ends. If there is a way to just run away for a bit and forget about the past. Even if its just for a day. A day to just not think.

Saturday, June 19, 2010


I have felt very spent by men lately. I feel like most men are just fake and lie, and granted I realize that sometimes I can play a pretty mean game on these men at the same time I always give them a certain level of respect. Let me clarify my game though; I am not quite ready for a serious relationship, so instead of settling down with one I keep a bunch around and date many at the same time. I just can't seem to find someone who fits what I want. There have been, maybe, two men I have seen that I would want to be exclusive with but in the end, I end up just waiting.

The latest was a man I was set up to date. Every time him and I get together and hang out, we have a great time. We seem to have a lot to talk about and we end up laughing and joking most of the night. I noticed though that he has a consistency of flaking out and creating these crazy excuses. Granted they may be true but for the most part they seem pretty drawn out. I do enjoy his company though, but for that main reason I could never let it go to the next step with him. Last night's excuse was one that just made my night horrible. He had been texting and calling all day to make sure we were still going on the date and to confirm the time to come. So, after I got back from my run I hurried to get ready in time for when he was suppose to show up. 9:30 pm goes by, 30 minutes late....So I send him a text. Nothing for a while then a phone call at around 10:00 saying that his grandma's alarm went off at her house and he is just running by to check it out and then he will be on his way. 10:30 goes by haven't heard from him so I shoot him a text just letting him know that I hope everything is ok but I am going to try and get some stuff done because I'm going out of town tomorrow. He shoots me another text saying how sorry he is and that after the cops leave he will call me and let me know if he can make it out here. NOT once the rest of the night did I receive a text, nothing.

This is just one of many of his excuses. His last excuse was that all three of his cars broke down. The weird thing is we still have gone on two dates but I have this weird feeling that maybe he has a girlfriend or something he is hiding. I will still be his friend, but needless to say, I will probably not schedule another date with him.

I now feel as though trusting someone is just a horrible idea. I spent a weekend back with this one guy just hanging out with mainly him. He mainly hung out with me and took care of me over my birthday weekend. Him and I have had our times together over a year ago and every time we hang out and I leave the next thing i know he is back with his girlfriend. It's absolutely ridiculous. At least for my sake it is something I learned about him rather quickly. Apparently he is an egotistical musician who thinks he is better than everyone. Sadly I think that is what attracted me to him in the first place, how strong and sure of himself he was, but I also don't like being the go-to girl with things get bad for him or because he is lonely.

So basically after the last few weeks of just disappointment after disappointment, I think I may take a break from the dating world for a bit. Well, at least the expectations of the dating world.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


I have recently met two men that make it hard for me to talk to. I get nervous and a bit flustered and at times feel like I am finding the most odd things to talk about. They both are very attractive and easy to talk to, so I honestly have no idea why I am making it harder than it is?

Guy number one is my age, very tall, going to school, and so adorable. Every time he comes to check his mail I get caught looking at him and then get nervous after he catches me. Usually he is the one who starts conversation, as I know that him and I will not be dating so I try to keep my distance.

Guy number two is the door man at the hotel next door. Everyone knows a lot of him and most people seem to like him. The Barista went and asked if he was single the other day, and now every time I walk past him he is smiling at me, and because of that I get more nervous.

I almost feel like with both guys I have some awkward high school crush. I haven't felt that way in a while so it's kind of fun.

I don't know that I will make a move anytime soon to spark any lustful thoughts, but I enjoy the crushing part, it makes life a little exciting. Sometimes not knowing someones feelings or thoughts on you can make it more exciting.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


I recently met a man, who I considered just friends. Recently I started notices signs that he may be pushing for more. He is very awkward, so even to call him a friend is pushing it. We had been working on music together and that was about it. Then I started noticing things that made me feel really uncomfortable. More than I had felt before when I was around him.

When I first met him I just thought he was a strange man. A man that had no social skills and no boundaries. He constantly pissed me off with how much he acted like he knew everything and like he was better than everyone. Everyone seemed to like him though, so I thought maybe I was overlooking something. So I thought, "hey give him a chance, maybe he could be a good friend."

I invited him up to hang out on the island with me for the first time. I introduced him to some good friends of mine on the island, and that was the beginning of his weirdness. Although he was very polite, he was so different. He did the thriller dance in the middle of this hippie type bar. He wouldn't drink (which was totally fine) but proceeded to make fun of us for drinking. It was very strange, but my dad and his gf seemed to like him so I considered just distancing myself and but trying to be a friend still.

Over time we talked a little less, but then he asked if I would like to jam together and work on some of the songs I wrote. It went well, at first. We had written numerous amounts of songs together and they all sounded great. Then he started getting pushy, he would order my son around, almost as if he was my sons dad. He started getting really controlling over the music, and even recorded the songs, and jokingly said, "now you can't sing these songs with anyone else, or I get some of the profit." I just laughed about it and even at that point it seemed oblivious to the situation.

So just recently I tried one last time and invited him back up to the islands. This time he seemed to take the controlling up a few notches. He started acting like he was more of a father figure to my son and then calling me "hun" and "babe". It gave me chills up my back. Even my dad and girlfriend felt uncomfortable. Then he started putting me down and making me feel worthless (well lets just say trying). Finally I got tired of it and started putting him in his place. Explaining to him what I saw him as. It was a very tense rest of the trip, and we ended up leaving that night, and mainly because I didn't want him around me or my family any longer.

As we drove back home, things seemed less awkward, but I started to put the pieces together a little. He thought there could be something more with us and really wants that something more. He had given me a chair of his when he was a child to give to Kayden, he has given me food and flowers, he wants to help me train for this marathon, and he tries to control me and when I go out and who I go out with. He listens to my problems but always seems to lead me away from the guys I am dating. He says he is dating a girl but on the weekend trip, he only called her one time and it was to leave her a voice mail. I'm not saying that he is a total creep, but I do recall the hug he gave me before he left and I felt so uncomfortable and vulnerable.

My dad called me the other day and expressed his worry for me. If you knew him, you would see how non-judgemental he is, and so for him to be concerned worried me more. It is really quite scary and makes me question my trust in people and how I open up to people. It is something I feel I may do too much, and hopefully getting out of this situation will be easier than I for see.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

The Man that Steals your Heart

There is always that guy; the one guy who makes you question every other guy. The one that makes you want him more than anyone else. It seems like this guy never really appreciates you and never actually sees you. I met this guy, and until last night, I never even knew how much I liked him, and now I sit here completely angry, disgruntled, and frustrated. Not just with him, but with me also.

So he is older than me, but smart and attractive. He has his life together...well for the most part. He is in control, most of the time, and he has some style to him. The first date with him was relaxed; we just talked and watched football, I felt comfortable. Then he fed me his leftover dinner before I went to Lopez, and he came over with wine and took pictures of the scenery out my window. It was cute watching him be so immersed with his photography, and he explained to me how it worked. I liked feeling included. Then he told me I was beautiful and graceful. That took me by surprise. No one has ever said that to me before.

Things got weird suddenly. I guess I felt like there was more, I felt like he liked me and wanted more, but I was wrong. Then it seemed like we were bickering more than talking and then we just stopped talking. I remember getting mad because he at times can be an asshole and I just stopped caring. Then I missed him and had to call. So I sent him a message wishing him well and inviting him out to see me sing, and he said he would come.

That night was weird. He was sending odd yet rude text messages, but when he got there I couldn't really help but be happy to see him. I hate that he makes me happy. Then talking to him was easy again, like always. He asked why I hadn't been around for a while, and he explained why he hadn't been around and then that was really it. He went to the bar and didn't really come back. When I met up with my friends later that night I saw him sitting at the bar and then he got up to talk to a friend and the whole time he was just watching me. I don't get it. Just staring at me, like I was something special.

Then it suddenly hit me...I like him, a lot. What the heck, why? He can be such a jerk and so selfish...How can I like him? He knows it too and he was asking questions trying to lead me to say it, but I am stubborn and wont budge. I have this stupid head over heels crush on someone I will probably never have or will probably never feel the same way. He either, one, likes me and just is too afraid to try, or two, he likes knowing someone really likes him even though he doesn't feel the same way. Either way, I need to let it go.

The worst part, I haven't felt this chemistry or connection with most men I have dated but with him its different. I get all giddy and excited and I can't stop smiling because I like how he looks at me and watches me and even how he analyzes me. Yet I'm so confused and almost lost at what to do with the situation, because one side of me really enjoys being around him, while the other just screams to run away.

You know what though? Maybe "heartbreak" or "stealing my heart" aren't the correct phrases to use, because I don't love him not even close, but I feel this connection and pull towards him, its almost magnetic. I feel like there is something there, I just don't know what, and although one part of me is telling me to stay away, there is this huge part telling me to keep him around. It really is a battle...

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Online Dating

Online dating has mixed reviews for sure. I have been the butt of jokes for participating in online dating but at the same time I have had people tell me how it is now "socially acceptable". Either way I have seen two sides to online dating. I have seen the good side where a relationship really blossoms and something beautiful is made, or (in my case) I see how online dating can bring some not so great matches or really only bring friendship. For me online dating has created more friends, but I have had some horrible dates in the process.

The are so many dating sites now. I am sure finding the right site is a task in itself. I remember when I first started I thought about trying out e-harmony. I started filling out the survey so they could help me find my "perfect match" and then a screen popped up that asked for my credit card information. That is when I hit the back button. I am not paying for someone to find me dates. Although, I have been told that e-harmony and are the way to go, I still refuse to pay.

So then I pulled up my google bar and slowly typed in "free dating sites". I sat there as it loaded up pages and pages of free dating sites. I scrolled through a few and finally landed on I filled out the millions of questions that would help me match with another individual and went along my way waiting for my matches to come flowing in. I started getting e-mails but none of them were from people that really matched what I was looking for and some of them were no where even close to a match by OKcupids standards. I started to wonder, "why am I asked to fill out this damn quiz if anyone can try and date me?" Why not just put my picture up and say a few things about me and if I'm your type then bingo.

So I tried it out I went on about 3 dates from this site. All of them actually went pretty well. Each date helped me realize something, I am not ready for a serious relationship. The dating part is fun, I haven't ever done that until my recent divorce, so this dating thing is such an exciting experience that leaves me with millions of stories, but as for settling down...well I'm just not ready.

I start to question the online dating, though. I have met a few men that aren't really looking for a relationship but they are on these dating sites. Which I think is interesting to me, why be on a dating site then, right? I mean granted I don't want a serious relationship but I did want to date and see what was out there, so what are they doing? Then you have the people that want to move fast. They ask you all the personal questions and then try and push for something more before they even meet you. They explain how they want a family, a house, a nice job, and a great wife. My eyes always get big at that point because one I just got out of a marriage and two because I am only 23. Marriage just seems out of the question for me.

I respect the millions of people who are on these dating sites, in fact, I think it takes guts to be on one of those sites and to meet people you have never met before. At the same time, I think there has to be another way. For years people met people and found their match in the flesh, never using electronics to lead them to "the one", why can't we do that now. It almost takes the fun out of asking a stranger at a coffee shop on a date.

I am open to every one's opinion on this matter. Like I said, I really have not judgement towards it. I have met people who have amazing relationships and marriages and have met their mate online, I have just had some negative experiences...

Friday, March 5, 2010

The Nice Guys

The phrase, "nice guys finish last", is really starting to ring a bell after the last few dates I have been on. I met multiple guy online and even off that are just great, nice, and genuine guys; but in the end there is no chemistry. No matter how much I wish I could make myself like them, well I simply can't. I like a guy with a little bit of edge, maybe some tattoos, sings or writes or is a daredevil. Someone who has a story behind who they are. Not that these nice guys don't but a lot of them play it safe, and well I don't really classify myself as a play it safe type of girl. Of course I have priorities and I'm not going to do anything that would damage my life or my sons in a negative way, but I need someone who will push me to do things and will be able to live life along with me.

I feel bad too because every one of these guys deserve an amazingly "nice woman", but sometimes I think they are just too good for me. I don't me good like I am not good enough, but good in the fact that they a very goal driven and don't drink much, don't go out much, don't stay up too late, don't want to venture in "dangerous" activities (such as skydiving, hiking, running, biking, cliff diving, ect), have a routine schedule they don't stray from, plan things WAY in advance, and basically play it safe, afraid to step out of their box. Now not all of these description fit just one guy I have dated, each thing I described seems to be sprinkled upon each guy I have dated recently.

I like these guys though, and some of them I have dated are VERY attractive in many ways, but I feel like I am on totally different planets than they are on. Sometimes they seem surprised by how I am, which makes sense. I am a 5'4", average build, no tattoos, dress pretty normal, with friends that are all pretty much like me; basically I look like the girl next door. So when I show my friends pictures of guy like Russel Brand or Luke Pickett they seemed surprised to see those as the type of guy I would want to date. Hey, maybe its a phase....

Thursday, March 4, 2010

1st date after the break up

So, just to clarify, I have always been in a relationship, ALWAYS! Its kind of strange getting out of a marriage at 22 and then realizing, "wow I have never been on a date ever!" Of course this doesn't count dates with your boyfriend or husband because you already have them, but a real date to where you really know nothing about the person and are taking a chance to see if there is a spark.

So my first date was mainly with someone I thought of as a friend. He was a bit redneck, red hair and beard, and we will call him Brad*. He had a big truck, his own house, and a stable job. All these things seemed great to me. I will get to the downsides of him soon.

He invited me out to drinks at a small local bar. He has been dating a girl I had known and things didn't really work with her so he broke it off just about a month before asking me on a date. I knew he was interested in me so I had turned him down several times before finally caving in. He was a really nice guy, bought my dinner and my beers, we really seemed to hit it off. He started telling me how he just loved my personality, and he would invite me over to hang out all the time.

We started hanging out a lot, almost everyday. To be honest it was almost like we were together, but we made it clear that we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, I wasn't ready for that and we were having fun just being us.

We dated for about 2 1/2 months and he invited me over to a pool party with his family. I thought that was a bit weird but I went as a friend and met his whole family. I mean whole family; mom, dad, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents, nieces, nephews, everyone! I was one of the first girls since his last long relationship that had met his family, so to me it looked like things were moving in the direction of a serious relationship.

Shortly after that things started to get weird. For two days he didn't really call or text me. Then a rumor started going around that him and old fling hooked up. I was irate and the first thing I did was call him out on it. He was not very happy, demanded it wasn't true and then we stopped talking for a few days. After that things settled a little I called him up and we talked but things were never really the same and eventually he got really drunk and I got drunk and he ended up telling me it just wasn't going to work.

So, how did all this happen? I started to piece together the whole thing. He had just gotten out of a really serious relationship a year prior. This girl really messed him up. She had brought her kid to live with him, they owned a business together which sunk to the bottom of the ocean, she disrespected him and then one day he just kicked her out because he couldn't take her drama. So once I brought up the fact that he was sleeping around while I thought we were being monogamous his gut reaction was that he was done because he didn't want the drama. On top of that, I had a kid and he didn't want to get attached to him and then have everything end like it had before. To solve the whole situation he just cut everything off with me, completely severed me from his life, like I never existed, not even as a friend. I remember going out with friends and him showing up and we wouldn't even so much as bat an eye at each other. That was crazy to me, something I wasn't used to, and he was 30 years old!

So to sum up him, he had a lot of baggage and had I really listened to everything he said and the previous girl before him said, I probably would have steered clear of that train wreck from the very beginning.

Please don't get me wrong, he is a great guy and a real keeper, but sometimes people need to figure their situations out before they try for a serious relationship or any type of relationship.


Welcome to the Dating Corner!

I have been single for over a year now and have gone on many different dates recently. I am creating this blog just to tell crazy dating stories, maybe give some advice, tell stories that other friends have about their dating life, and more. Basically everything that revolves around the dating world could be included in this blog.

So to start I will tell you my story a bit so you all know who you are reading about. I am Lindsay, 23 years old, will be 24 in May. I separated from my ex in December of last year and we were on this on again-off again relationship for about 4-5 months after that. Then in June of last year I finally moved out and moved on. We have a 3 year old and still get along pretty well to be honest. Most of last year I was living in Boise, Id, but then September of last year I lost my job and moved to Seattle for a job. My ex and I have been doing a month to month custody thing until he moves here in May or June of this year.

In my short time being here I have made lots of new friends, started focusing on singing, learning guitar, writing, and blogging. I do Karaoke on occasion and go to Lopez Island a lot! I am going to be heading back to school in the summer after I pay this annoying Boise State University Library Fine!

Some of the things I have recently learned about myself since I moved here:

*I'm actually pretty good with people and I find it not to hard to make new friends.
*I love music and everything about it. I actually want to take this singing and guitar thing seriously.
*I want to be myself. I am tired of trying to make family and friends proud of who I am, I want to be me.
*I like guys with tattoos haha
*I also like rough, edger, rocker type guys
*Personality is soooo important!
*Drama is so overrated and so unneeded and I definitely wont put up with it.
*I have some great new and old friends that I love being around!
*Seattle feels like home, Idaho never did.

I will post more things as I go on and you hear some of my dating stories. I will probably have to back track a bit on dating stories from when I started dating. Some are quite amusing and I will be admitting to everyone at this moment in time that YES I ACTUALLY DID USE A DATING SITE. Totally embarrassing for me to admit but it adds a little more fun to the stories I will be telling.