Thursday, March 4, 2010

1st date after the break up

So, just to clarify, I have always been in a relationship, ALWAYS! Its kind of strange getting out of a marriage at 22 and then realizing, "wow I have never been on a date ever!" Of course this doesn't count dates with your boyfriend or husband because you already have them, but a real date to where you really know nothing about the person and are taking a chance to see if there is a spark.

So my first date was mainly with someone I thought of as a friend. He was a bit redneck, red hair and beard, and we will call him Brad*. He had a big truck, his own house, and a stable job. All these things seemed great to me. I will get to the downsides of him soon.

He invited me out to drinks at a small local bar. He has been dating a girl I had known and things didn't really work with her so he broke it off just about a month before asking me on a date. I knew he was interested in me so I had turned him down several times before finally caving in. He was a really nice guy, bought my dinner and my beers, we really seemed to hit it off. He started telling me how he just loved my personality, and he would invite me over to hang out all the time.

We started hanging out a lot, almost everyday. To be honest it was almost like we were together, but we made it clear that we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, I wasn't ready for that and we were having fun just being us.

We dated for about 2 1/2 months and he invited me over to a pool party with his family. I thought that was a bit weird but I went as a friend and met his whole family. I mean whole family; mom, dad, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents, nieces, nephews, everyone! I was one of the first girls since his last long relationship that had met his family, so to me it looked like things were moving in the direction of a serious relationship.

Shortly after that things started to get weird. For two days he didn't really call or text me. Then a rumor started going around that him and old fling hooked up. I was irate and the first thing I did was call him out on it. He was not very happy, demanded it wasn't true and then we stopped talking for a few days. After that things settled a little I called him up and we talked but things were never really the same and eventually he got really drunk and I got drunk and he ended up telling me it just wasn't going to work.

So, how did all this happen? I started to piece together the whole thing. He had just gotten out of a really serious relationship a year prior. This girl really messed him up. She had brought her kid to live with him, they owned a business together which sunk to the bottom of the ocean, she disrespected him and then one day he just kicked her out because he couldn't take her drama. So once I brought up the fact that he was sleeping around while I thought we were being monogamous his gut reaction was that he was done because he didn't want the drama. On top of that, I had a kid and he didn't want to get attached to him and then have everything end like it had before. To solve the whole situation he just cut everything off with me, completely severed me from his life, like I never existed, not even as a friend. I remember going out with friends and him showing up and we wouldn't even so much as bat an eye at each other. That was crazy to me, something I wasn't used to, and he was 30 years old!

So to sum up him, he had a lot of baggage and had I really listened to everything he said and the previous girl before him said, I probably would have steered clear of that train wreck from the very beginning.

Please don't get me wrong, he is a great guy and a real keeper, but sometimes people need to figure their situations out before they try for a serious relationship or any type of relationship.


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