Crushes

I have recently met two men that make it hard for me to talk to. I get nervous and a bit flustered and at times feel like I am finding the most odd things to talk about. They both are very attractive and easy to talk to, so I honestly have no idea why I am making it harder than it is?

Guy number one is my age, very tall, going to school, and so adorable. Every time he comes to check his mail I get caught looking at him and then get nervous after he catches me. Usually he is the one who starts conversation, as I know that him and I will not be dating so I try to keep my distance.

Guy number two is the door man at the hotel next door. Everyone knows a lot of him and most people seem to like him. The Barista went and asked if he was single the other day, and now every time I walk past him he is smiling at me, and because of that I get more nervous.

I almost feel like with both guys I have some awkward high school crush. I haven't felt that way in a while so it's kind of fun.

I don't know that I will make a move anytime soon to spark any lustful thoughts, but I enjoy the crushing part, it makes life a little exciting. Sometimes not knowing someones feelings or thoughts on you can make it more exciting.

Controlling

I recently met a man, who I considered just friends. Recently I started notices signs that he may be pushing for more. He is very awkward, so even to call him a friend is pushing it. We had been working on music together and that was about it. Then I started noticing things that made me feel really uncomfortable. More than I had felt before when I was around him.

When I first met him I just thought he was a strange man. A man that had no social skills and no boundaries. He constantly pissed me off with how much he acted like he knew everything and like he was better than everyone. Everyone seemed to like him though, so I thought maybe I was overlooking something. So I thought, "hey give him a chance, maybe he could be a good friend."

I invited him up to hang out on the island with me for the first time. I introduced him to some good friends of mine on the island, and that was the beginning of his weirdness. Although he was very polite, he was so different. He did the thriller dance in the middle of this hippie type bar. He wouldn't drink (which was totally fine) but proceeded to make fun of us for drinking. It was very strange, but my dad and his gf seemed to like him so I considered just distancing myself and but trying to be a friend still.

Over time we talked a little less, but then he asked if I would like to jam together and work on some of the songs I wrote. It went well, at first. We had written numerous amounts of songs together and they all sounded great. Then he started getting pushy, he would order my son around, almost as if he was my sons dad. He started getting really controlling over the music, and even recorded the songs, and jokingly said, "now you can't sing these songs with anyone else, or I get some of the profit." I just laughed about it and even at that point it seemed oblivious to the situation.

So just recently I tried one last time and invited him back up to the islands. This time he seemed to take the controlling up a few notches. He started acting like he was more of a father figure to my son and then calling me "hun" and "babe". It gave me chills up my back. Even my dad and girlfriend felt uncomfortable. Then he started putting me down and making me feel worthless (well lets just say trying). Finally I got tired of it and started putting him in his place. Explaining to him what I saw him as. It was a very tense rest of the trip, and we ended up leaving that night, and mainly because I didn't want him around me or my family any longer.

As we drove back home, things seemed less awkward, but I started to put the pieces together a little. He thought there could be something more with us and really wants that something more. He had given me a chair of his when he was a child to give to Kayden, he has given me food and flowers, he wants to help me train for this marathon, and he tries to control me and when I go out and who I go out with. He listens to my problems but always seems to lead me away from the guys I am dating. He says he is dating a girl but on the weekend trip, he only called her one time and it was to leave her a voice mail. I'm not saying that he is a total creep, but I do recall the hug he gave me before he left and I felt so uncomfortable and vulnerable.

My dad called me the other day and expressed his worry for me. If you knew him, you would see how non-judgemental he is, and so for him to be concerned worried me more. It is really quite scary and makes me question my trust in people and how I open up to people. It is something I feel I may do too much, and hopefully getting out of this situation will be easier than I for see.

The Man that Steals your Heart

There is always that guy; the one guy who makes you question every other guy. The one that makes you want him more than anyone else. It seems like this guy never really appreciates you and never actually sees you. I met this guy, and until last night, I never even knew how much I liked him, and now I sit here completely angry, disgruntled, and frustrated. Not just with him, but with me also.

So he is older than me, but smart and attractive. He has his life together...well for the most part. He is in control, most of the time, and he has some style to him. The first date with him was relaxed; we just talked and watched football, I felt comfortable. Then he fed me his leftover dinner before I went to Lopez, and he came over with wine and took pictures of the scenery out my window. It was cute watching him be so immersed with his photography, and he explained to me how it worked. I liked feeling included. Then he told me I was beautiful and graceful. That took me by surprise. No one has ever said that to me before.

Things got weird suddenly. I guess I felt like there was more, I felt like he liked me and wanted more, but I was wrong. Then it seemed like we were bickering more than talking and then we just stopped talking. I remember getting mad because he at times can be an asshole and I just stopped caring. Then I missed him and had to call. So I sent him a message wishing him well and inviting him out to see me sing, and he said he would come.

That night was weird. He was sending odd yet rude text messages, but when he got there I couldn't really help but be happy to see him. I hate that he makes me happy. Then talking to him was easy again, like always. He asked why I hadn't been around for a while, and he explained why he hadn't been around and then that was really it. He went to the bar and didn't really come back. When I met up with my friends later that night I saw him sitting at the bar and then he got up to talk to a friend and the whole time he was just watching me. I don't get it. Just staring at me, like I was something special.

Then it suddenly hit me...I like him, a lot. What the heck, why? He can be such a jerk and so selfish...How can I like him? He knows it too and he was asking questions trying to lead me to say it, but I am stubborn and wont budge. I have this stupid head over heels crush on someone I will probably never have or will probably never feel the same way. He either, one, likes me and just is too afraid to try, or two, he likes knowing someone really likes him even though he doesn't feel the same way. Either way, I need to let it go.

The worst part, I haven't felt this chemistry or connection with most men I have dated but with him its different. I get all giddy and excited and I can't stop smiling because I like how he looks at me and watches me and even how he analyzes me. Yet I'm so confused and almost lost at what to do with the situation, because one side of me really enjoys being around him, while the other just screams to run away.

You know what though? Maybe "heartbreak" or "stealing my heart" aren't the correct phrases to use, because I don't love him not even close, but I feel this connection and pull towards him, its almost magnetic. I feel like there is something there, I just don't know what, and although one part of me is telling me to stay away, there is this huge part telling me to keep him around. It really is a battle...

Online Dating

Online dating has mixed reviews for sure. I have been the butt of jokes for participating in online dating but at the same time I have had people tell me how it is now "socially acceptable". Either way I have seen two sides to online dating. I have seen the good side where a relationship really blossoms and something beautiful is made, or (in my case) I see how online dating can bring some not so great matches or really only bring friendship. For me online dating has created more friends, but I have had some horrible dates in the process.

The are so many dating sites now. I am sure finding the right site is a task in itself. I remember when I first started I thought about trying out e-harmony. I started filling out the survey so they could help me find my "perfect match" and then a screen popped up that asked for my credit card information. That is when I hit the back button. I am not paying for someone to find me dates. Although, I have been told that e-harmony and match.com are the way to go, I still refuse to pay.

So then I pulled up my google bar and slowly typed in "free dating sites". I sat there as it loaded up pages and pages of free dating sites. I scrolled through a few and finally landed on okcupid.com. I filled out the millions of questions that would help me match with another individual and went along my way waiting for my matches to come flowing in. I started getting e-mails but none of them were from people that really matched what I was looking for and some of them were no where even close to a match by OKcupids standards. I started to wonder, "why am I asked to fill out this damn quiz if anyone can try and date me?" Why not just put my picture up and say a few things about me and if I'm your type then bingo.

So I tried it out I went on about 3 dates from this site. All of them actually went pretty well. Each date helped me realize something, I am not ready for a serious relationship. The dating part is fun, I haven't ever done that until my recent divorce, so this dating thing is such an exciting experience that leaves me with millions of stories, but as for settling down...well I'm just not ready.

I start to question the online dating, though. I have met a few men that aren't really looking for a relationship but they are on these dating sites. Which I think is interesting to me, why be on a dating site then, right? I mean granted I don't want a serious relationship but I did want to date and see what was out there, so what are they doing? Then you have the people that want to move fast. They ask you all the personal questions and then try and push for something more before they even meet you. They explain how they want a family, a house, a nice job, and a great wife. My eyes always get big at that point because one I just got out of a marriage and two because I am only 23. Marriage just seems out of the question for me.

I respect the millions of people who are on these dating sites, in fact, I think it takes guts to be on one of those sites and to meet people you have never met before. At the same time, I think there has to be another way. For years people met people and found their match in the flesh, never using electronics to lead them to "the one", why can't we do that now. It almost takes the fun out of asking a stranger at a coffee shop on a date.

I am open to every one's opinion on this matter. Like I said, I really have not judgement towards it. I have met people who have amazing relationships and marriages and have met their mate online, I have just had some negative experiences...

The Nice Guys

The phrase, "nice guys finish last", is really starting to ring a bell after the last few dates I have been on. I met multiple guy online and even off that are just great, nice, and genuine guys; but in the end there is no chemistry. No matter how much I wish I could make myself like them, well I simply can't. I like a guy with a little bit of edge, maybe some tattoos, sings or writes or is a daredevil. Someone who has a story behind who they are. Not that these nice guys don't but a lot of them play it safe, and well I don't really classify myself as a play it safe type of girl. Of course I have priorities and I'm not going to do anything that would damage my life or my sons in a negative way, but I need someone who will push me to do things and will be able to live life along with me.

I feel bad too because every one of these guys deserve an amazingly "nice woman", but sometimes I think they are just too good for me. I don't me good like I am not good enough, but good in the fact that they a very goal driven and don't drink much, don't go out much, don't stay up too late, don't want to venture in "dangerous" activities (such as skydiving, hiking, running, biking, cliff diving, ect), have a routine schedule they don't stray from, plan things WAY in advance, and basically play it safe, afraid to step out of their box. Now not all of these description fit just one guy I have dated, each thing I described seems to be sprinkled upon each guy I have dated recently.

I like these guys though, and some of them I have dated are VERY attractive in many ways, but I feel like I am on totally different planets than they are on. Sometimes they seem surprised by how I am, which makes sense. I am a 5'4", average build, no tattoos, dress pretty normal, with friends that are all pretty much like me; basically I look like the girl next door. So when I show my friends pictures of guy like Russel Brand or Luke Pickett they seemed surprised to see those as the type of guy I would want to date. Hey, maybe its a phase....

1st date after the break up

So, just to clarify, I have always been in a relationship, ALWAYS! Its kind of strange getting out of a marriage at 22 and then realizing, "wow I have never been on a date ever!" Of course this doesn't count dates with your boyfriend or husband because you already have them, but a real date to where you really know nothing about the person and are taking a chance to see if there is a spark.

So my first date was mainly with someone I thought of as a friend. He was a bit redneck, red hair and beard, and we will call him Brad*. He had a big truck, his own house, and a stable job. All these things seemed great to me. I will get to the downsides of him soon.

He invited me out to drinks at a small local bar. He has been dating a girl I had known and things didn't really work with her so he broke it off just about a month before asking me on a date. I knew he was interested in me so I had turned him down several times before finally caving in. He was a really nice guy, bought my dinner and my beers, we really seemed to hit it off. He started telling me how he just loved my personality, and he would invite me over to hang out all the time.

We started hanging out a lot, almost everyday. To be honest it was almost like we were together, but we made it clear that we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, I wasn't ready for that and we were having fun just being us.

We dated for about 2 1/2 months and he invited me over to a pool party with his family. I thought that was a bit weird but I went as a friend and met his whole family. I mean whole family; mom, dad, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents, nieces, nephews, everyone! I was one of the first girls since his last long relationship that had met his family, so to me it looked like things were moving in the direction of a serious relationship.

Shortly after that things started to get weird. For two days he didn't really call or text me. Then a rumor started going around that him and old fling hooked up. I was irate and the first thing I did was call him out on it. He was not very happy, demanded it wasn't true and then we stopped talking for a few days. After that things settled a little I called him up and we talked but things were never really the same and eventually he got really drunk and I got drunk and he ended up telling me it just wasn't going to work.

So, how did all this happen? I started to piece together the whole thing. He had just gotten out of a really serious relationship a year prior. This girl really messed him up. She had brought her kid to live with him, they owned a business together which sunk to the bottom of the ocean, she disrespected him and then one day he just kicked her out because he couldn't take her drama. So once I brought up the fact that he was sleeping around while I thought we were being monogamous his gut reaction was that he was done because he didn't want the drama. On top of that, I had a kid and he didn't want to get attached to him and then have everything end like it had before. To solve the whole situation he just cut everything off with me, completely severed me from his life, like I never existed, not even as a friend. I remember going out with friends and him showing up and we wouldn't even so much as bat an eye at each other. That was crazy to me, something I wasn't used to, and he was 30 years old!

So to sum up him, he had a lot of baggage and had I really listened to everything he said and the previous girl before him said, I probably would have steered clear of that train wreck from the very beginning.

Please don't get me wrong, he is a great guy and a real keeper, but sometimes people need to figure their situations out before they try for a serious relationship or any type of relationship.

*NAMES CHANGED FOR PRIVACY OF PERSON*

Welcome to the Dating Corner!

I have been single for over a year now and have gone on many different dates recently. I am creating this blog just to tell crazy dating stories, maybe give some advice, tell stories that other friends have about their dating life, and more. Basically everything that revolves around the dating world could be included in this blog.

So to start I will tell you my story a bit so you all know who you are reading about. I am Lindsay, 23 years old, will be 24 in May. I separated from my ex in December of last year and we were on this on again-off again relationship for about 4-5 months after that. Then in June of last year I finally moved out and moved on. We have a 3 year old and still get along pretty well to be honest. Most of last year I was living in Boise, Id, but then September of last year I lost my job and moved to Seattle for a job. My ex and I have been doing a month to month custody thing until he moves here in May or June of this year.

In my short time being here I have made lots of new friends, started focusing on singing, learning guitar, writing, and blogging. I do Karaoke on occasion and go to Lopez Island a lot! I am going to be heading back to school in the summer after I pay this annoying Boise State University Library Fine!

Some of the things I have recently learned about myself since I moved here:

*I'm actually pretty good with people and I find it not to hard to make new friends.
*I love music and everything about it. I actually want to take this singing and guitar thing seriously.
*I want to be myself. I am tired of trying to make family and friends proud of who I am, I want to be me.
*I like guys with tattoos haha
*I also like rough, edger, rocker type guys
*Personality is soooo important!
*Drama is so overrated and so unneeded and I definitely wont put up with it.
*I have some great new and old friends that I love being around!
*Seattle feels like home, Idaho never did.

I will post more things as I go on and you hear some of my dating stories. I will probably have to back track a bit on dating stories from when I started dating. Some are quite amusing and I will be admitting to everyone at this moment in time that YES I ACTUALLY DID USE A DATING SITE. Totally embarrassing for me to admit but it adds a little more fun to the stories I will be telling.