Slasher

OK so this one isn't really a dating story, and honestly I will probably have more about being hit on then actually dating. I may be horrible at dating and picking who I date but I think I have way better stories about me or my friends being hit on.

I just recently moved to Northern Washington. I know out of the city, what was i thinking?? Anyway, so I moved up north and there is this cute little bar. It is the typical small town bar where everyone goes there and knows everyone so when I went there everyone knew I was new or didn't belong.

So this day I go in and walk up to the bar. There were two empty seats so I look over to the guy off to the right and say, "are these seat taken?"

He does the drunk wobble back and forth a bit and says, "ya both of them are...wait no I mean the one next to me isn't but the other one is...so you have to sit next to me."

I stared at him and moved the chair away from him a bit and sat down. I looked the bartender and order a beer and grabbed the menu.

The guy next to me leans over basically all over me and breaths on me, "what are you order? Are you hungry??"

"uhhhh yes I'm hungry, and I'm ordering a chicken sandwich." I say a bit disturbed.

He looks at the bartender and practically screams, "hey I'll get what she is getting. So two of whatever she ordered. With tarter sauce."

My eyes at this point are huge and basically asking for help from any of the surrounding guests. Then I hear, "so what's your name." Now you have to imagine this being slurred by a skinny, trucker looking , mid 20's, male.

"My name is Lindsay, what is your name?"

"My name is Briiiiiaaaaannn. So whatcha do?"

"I'm an apartment manager Brian."

Brian closes his eyes a bit and squints, "how do you feel about that? I mean you are here and you manage apartments?"

" I am not sure what you mean."

"You know....You manage apartments and well you are here...ya know?"

"hmmmm....no I don't know." and finally the food shows up. THANK GOD.

As our food is placed in front of us Brian says, " hakuna matata. Do you know what that mean?"

"yes it means no worried. Honestly, Brian, I think most people know that.?"

At this point brian gets all worked up and yells, "no, no!! I bet this guy next to me doesn't. Wanna bet?"

"Sure Brian I will bet you a beer he does." I really didn't care I was just hoping the conversation would end.

"Hey you," he said leaning all over the guy to his right. "Do you know what hakuna matata means."

Third party, nice male says," uhh no I honestly have no idea. I think I once knew but I don't"

I took a deep breath, "well Brian I owe you a beer."

Brian puts his arm around me and says, "no you owe me a kiss."

I lean away from him and state, "actually Brian the deal was a beer, NOT a kiss."

He tries to pull me closer, "You know it's worthy of a kiss, and you know you want to kiss me, come on."

Again I said no, and stood up and moved to the seat next to mine, further from him.

He stands up a bit swaying like there was some sort of breeze in the bar, "Oh what you are going to deny this? You want to kiss me and I was right so you owe me."

This is where I continued to eat and ignore him and text my friends about the situation. Then out of the corner of my eyes I see Brians arm lean over and he starts eating my fries. YES EATING MY FREAKING FRIES. So I have to comment at this point, "sooooo are you going to start drinking my beer next without asking."

Obviously I didn't think that comment through because his next reaction was to smile and lean over and try to grab my beer.

I finally was able to fully ignore him and just talk to the bartender, and after a while I believe he got tired of trying to get my attention and he put on his coat and left.

Shortly after he left another gentleman at the bar came up and said to me, "So did you enjoy talking to Slasher?"

Automatically my eyes got huge and I looked at him and hesitantly asked, "why is his name slasher?" Where after I was told how "slasher" had a girlfriend that one day disappeared and no one has seen or hear from her since.

At this point I am contemplating two things. One why did I move to this city, and two should I change my name???

MMMMMMMMMMM guy

So, I don't know how many of you have met a guy that distinctly reminds you of the jersey shore show but I have!!! This guy hung out in a group of friends that I hung out with. Attached to this article is a basic picture of what he looked like. Add about 12 silver chains and a white bandanna.

When we first met it was at a Karaoke night. Nothing big just a, hi who are you, nice to meet you type greeting. He started telling my friends quickly that he was interested in me. He was in his mid 30's (which those of you who know me, know that isn't really out of my age range). Anyway I thought we could at least be friends so I gave him my number and occasionally he would text me and invite me over or out...which I NEVER accepted the offers. I was always "busy" as to I didn't want to lead him on.

A few times we would go out and somehow be wearing the same color shirt and he would say things like, "wow look at that, must be a sign, we a basically dressed a like." Which in a way I kind of took as a bit of an insult. Then the texting increased.

Not to say this is funny at all mainly kind of creepy. He ended up in the hospital for almost having a stroke. He texted me and said he instantly thought of me and him and if we were to have a family and how he felt like I could be someone to take care of him. That text resulted in no response. Then one day I received this texting back and forth:

Him : Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Me: ....

Him: mmmmmmm what's good girl?

me: uhhh I'm not sure...my lunch is pretty good.

Him: I want to see you, want to come over?

Then no response. An hour later:

Him: mmmmmmmmm

nothing back, 10 min later.

Him: mmmmmmmmmmm

really this could go on forever. Now before, in the middle and after all those texts I would receive a picture message from him of him with his wife beater on jeans and white bandanna and a message above either saying, "me getting ready to go to the store," "me at the store," or "me just getting ready".

Eventually he I think got the fact that I was no longer interested and sent me the following:

Him: so girl...I hear you might be dating other people. I thought we had something but (insert my friends name here) wants to go out and go on a date.

Me: Awesome she is great you should do it.

Him: ohhh ok...ya I guess I will give her a shot. I dig you though....

Me: ya I'm just not looking for anything. So you should pursue other options.

Him: ya ok...sooo I'm going to go on a date with her.

Me: cool good luck friend.

Him: ya tomorrow.

Me: great, I hope it goes well.

Him: ya....

So luckily that ended. I will say though now all of my friends will send me random messages of "mmmmmmmmm".

It's on guy....

This guy is actually, or should I say was a good friend of mine. We used to go hang out at karaoke bars, grab beers together, ect. Just recently I had invited him over for some beers and to help me pack for a big move. Apparently doing this gave him the wrong idea.

So he comes over and we pop open the beers and start packing a few bags and catching up on times, since it had been months since I had last seen him. I told him about my recent boyfriend and about my move. That only last a short time and he asked me to play my guitar. It had been a good few months since he heard me play and he wanted to hear some of my new songs.

We sat in the living room as I played and the whole time he was just singing along or watching me play. Eventually it got a bit weird and he said, "wow, it seriously turns me on when you play your guitar." So I kind of stopped and said, "uhhh thank you, but maybe I should stop."

He got a bit flustered and said, "well wait you invited me over here only to just do nothing? I mean I came over and brought beer."

I replied, "well we are friends, I have a boyfriend, you were suppose to help me back."

" well I thought it was on. Don't pretend like it's on if it isn't on. If it's on it's on and if it's not it's not. I could make you happier, and well I just thought it was on."

I just stood there looking at him a bit dumbfounded. So I said, "If you came here for sex you should just leave, because that isn't what is going to happen."

He started pacing through my kitchen saying things like, "what, I just, ugh, well...hmmm...so it's not on? fuck...i guess I'm leaving. But you shouldn't lead people on....Don't pretend it's on when it isn't on."

Again just just stood there while he put his coat on and walked out the front door.

Minutes later this is the texting that went on:

Him: Lindsey. Its cool. Don't lead anyone on to think its on. But whatever u say. say whatever u think its on.

Me: I didn't lead you on.

Him: If ur gonna find something. Tell them not me. I think ur outstanding. U just think ur shit. I don't.

Me: ok

Him: That's cool. U got it just don't change things when we are in the middle of everything.

Me: We weren't in the middle of anything (enter his name here).

Him: I know. Ur good.

Me: ok

Him: Whatever I guess picked the right time. Ur good.

Me: What? Maye we can just talk tomorrow.

Then followed by two phone calls I didn't answer. I will have to say this is now the new phrase used to me when anyone is around me:

"Is it on? Don't say it's on if it isn't on."


Ps. My friend dedicates this song to this man:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFrCLRPvZe4

Flower Dude Cont.

It's been awhile since I updated but i figured I should give you an update on flower dude. So after my HORRIBLE DATE with him I ran into him again. There is this club in downtown Seattle called Frontier Room. This club is the club I call Douche Bag Central. It is the place where you can pick up the "real winners". This is the club I met Flower Dude at, and to kind of remind you he bought me flowers and came back to my friends place trying to hang out with me all night. Then I gave him a chance by going on a date with him even though I was told by all my friends not to. This guy made me pay for like 20% of dinner. I don't think i put that down there but basically this is how the scenario went:

me: "so do you want me to help you out, split it down the middle?"
him: looks at bill total is $85. He lays down $60 and says "you can cover the rest."

uhhhh....lol

Anyway, so after the horrible date I get a facebook add from this guy. I never even gave him my last name....soooo I am curious home many pages of Lindsay's he went through to find me. Then the fact that he thought I would add him. ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!

So of course I ignore the add and went on with my life.

A month or so later my girlfriends talk me in to hitting up douche bag central again. We were at the bar ordering drinks and taking pictures; out of the corner of my eye I see Flower Dude and SHIT he sees me.

So I turn quickly acting like I didn't see him and whisper to my friend, "guess who is here....flower dude."

He was seriously a creeper in almost everyone of my pictures just staring at me trying to get my attention. Then he finally approached me, "hey can we talk about the other night?" I looked at him rolled my eyes, "there isn't much to talk about honestly, so no." This went on for about a good hour or two before we left.

After we left I was getting texts continually from him:

"please give me another chance, let's just talk it out. I made a mistake. I was drunk."

Basically I sent one text back, "John* there is nothing to talk about. Have a good night."

Then it went bad, "So you really are a bitch. I thought I would give you another chance but fuck that. You are worthless."

After showing all my friends the message and telling them about the night all I hear from my friends is "We told you not to go out with him, this is your own fault."

Luckily, I have not ran into flower dude since that night.

My advice....Don't date someone who buys you flowers at 2 am!

lots of updates to come!!

I just want to give a heads up I will be updating my blog quite a bit. A lot of these will be in 3rd person about other people or about me. I will never directly say because some of them could be about me that I am not sure I want to reveal it is me or not hahaha. You will be getting quite a few stories. I have one about meeting a guy with the nickname Slasher, dating friends, and some through my music career... it should be getting pretty interesting.

Worst Date! (flower dude)

So I just recently met a man who happened to be at the same place I was at for my friends birthday. His friends and mine ended up mingling together and hanging out and when the night ended from this bar we ended up heading back for a few more drinks at my friends house. It was so far a very good night. We stopped by the store to pick up some beer. I made a joking comment about how I wished someone would buy me flowers, and this guy (we will call him John) chimed in, "I'll buy you flowers!" So he proceeded to buy me a $20 bouquet of flowers from the local Safeway.

When we arrived back at my friends house, we were all chatting and having a few beers and this man, John, because incredibly clingy. He followed me on the deck trying to kiss me and hold my hand. At the time I was nice, just moving away from the situation. Then when his friend was ready to leave he persistently kept saying, "no I'm going to stay here with Lindsay." I reacted my by giving him my number and telling him how we could hang out another time.

I honestly was hoping that would be the last time I would hear from John. He was so intoxicated that I figured he had forgotten my name anyway.

Two weeks later I receive a text from John asking me on a date. I contemplated if a bit and then went ahead and said yes. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was just really drunk that night and couldn't give a fair impression of who he really was.

So that night was met up at Pesos in Queen Anne, which is a nice Mexican restaurant. First, while waiting for our table to be ready, we went over to my favorite Karaoke joint, Ozzies. We had a drink and while there John and I start chatting. I knew almost immediately that we could never date seriously, maybe friends, but never anything else. He told me stories of how his neighbor wanted to kill him and how he lived with his parents now. Red flag instantly went up, but I always am for giving the benefit of the doubt.

The dinner was alright. It was a lot of silent pauses, with weird awkward conversations. I decided to invite him out with my friends and me for drinks, just to see how he meshes with my friends. That is when the night went down hill.

From the beginning he was clinging on to me like he was afraid I would leave him alone. He hardly ever said a word and spent most of his night standing against the bar. My friends were very surprised that I was even out on a date with this man. When the night ended we all headed back to my friends house and ate some food, drank a few more beers, and then headed to bed. All the girls climbed into a bed while the men stayed out in sleeping bags. I received a text from John at 4 am stating, "I thought we were going to hang out all night". I simply laughed and ignored the text, only to get another text a few minutes later saying, "Ya i thought you were cool but obviously I was fucking wrong. Whatever u ignored me the whole night. Have fun with those tools."

My friends and I got a long laugh out of that because all night were were trying to include him in the group but he was so distant and socially awkward.

This date only confirms that I either attract older men or just crazy men....will this cycle ever end!?!

Fickle

UGH! So fickle it makes me sick. One minute he can't get enough of me and the next minute he feels like we shouldn't be around each other. I should have learned from the first few times, but I kept giving it the benefit of the doubt and now I'm just annoyed and pissed off. He sits there saying how he never led me on when weeks before he confessed how much he "thinks he loved me" and "how we are so magnetic together". Although, I didn't feel the same way, I still really liked him and wanted to see where things would go. Why do relationships and love and time have to move so fast? Why can't we just slow down and make sure it is right before we jump into these relationships that are bound to just fall apart?

Now I don't even want to talk to him. He tries to start conversation when we see each other, and honestly what the fuck is the point? Just walk away. I don't need you in my life. I don't need anyone in my life like you. I have never let myself depend on any man and you never will or were the first.

It's like the break up just keeps circling itself around me. You want in then you want out and for once i just want to be 100% done. Don't call, don't text, don't try and be my friend, I don't need or want to be yours. Honestly just move on, find the so called "one". I'm done, and if you can't tell by how I despise being around you, then you should probably open your fucking eyes because I have man of times told you that I don't want you around and have nothing to say.